There I was, slumped comfortably against the soft velvet headboard of my bed, staring at a computer screen. It was dark outside; the barely-visible moon cast the tangle of trees outside my bedroom with muddled, ghostly shadows. A softly glowing lamp illuminated my corner of my bedroom, leaving the rest encased in darkness. I struggled furiously to keep my eyes open. Paragraphs and paragraphs of words swarmed before my eyes, taunting me to keep scrolling and searching. The nightmare had begun a while ago when my mom phoned me to look up US boarding schools.
A whiny “why” was my immediate response. I only just finished seventh grade; high school was still an ambiguous concept to me. Why couldn’t my mom just research for me, with her experience and knowledge on this topic? The prospect of suddenly receiving responsibility was scary too. Up until now, my life was carefully planned out by my parents, be it the school I attend, the classes that fill up my schedule, or our vacation location – every single detail. I liked just wandering along with my parents mindlessly without having to make tough decisions. I was content in my care-free little world where everything was faultlessly pre-planned by others.
However, my mom won in the end, after minutes of encouraging, pleading, then eventually demanding. I reluctantly opened my computer and slowly typed in the words “US boarding schools” in the search bar.
Thirty excruciating minutes later, I was still slumped in the same spot, staring at the computer screen. I had filled in half a page with various school names half-heartedly. Naturally, I was not at all happy to be researching something tedious like boarding schools, especially when it cut into my summer anime-watching time. My only motivation was the fact that after this extensive research, I won’t have to carry any responsibilities until much, much later (in that fantasy land named High School).
Besides, the websites made the schools indistinguishable from one another. Every school had about 80% of their faculty with advanced degrees, over 250 courses available, and 5:1 student-teacher ratio. Every page was plastered with positive reviews written by former students about how the boarding experience changed their life. There were the vibrant pictures of smiling high schoolers, each of them tall and radiating confidence and independence. Then there were the complicated, detailed descriptions about the procedure to apply. My brain hurt from repetitively reading the same facts over and over again.
But as the night wore on, a thought crossed my mind. A frightening thought that ran shivers down my spine and made my body taut –
This will be me in two years.
Eighth grade is the last year before high school. Soon, I’ll be a high schooler, a status I still wasn't comprehending. To me, being a high schooler means to belong to the group of people whom I’ve looked up to since first grade and is someone reliable and completely independent.
I realized, grimly, the transition I would have to go through is near. The change from being parent-dependent to a strong girl who has control over her life was not as far away as I’d imagined. It was an ominous rain cloud, hanging dangerously low, ready to drench me with onuses. I trembled under that brewing cloud.
I kept scrolling and clicking. My fingers glided across the trackpad, nails scratching its surface carelessly. Occasional clicks sounded in the air. I stumbled through websites, one after another. Images of the jubilant high schoolers popped up continually. At first, I was slumping apathetically, but soon, I found myself involuntarily leaning towards my computer. An unfamiliar sense of readiness settled in me. All the high schoolers have endured this drastic change, and so can I.
There’s no doubt about it: a small part of me still wanted to lurk inside my perfect, little world with no worries, decisions, and responsibilities. But I knew that the time for change is creeping closer and closer, ready to inundate me with new burdens. There will be unimaginable responsibilities, freedom for control, and I will be ready for that time. I will embrace this change.
And so I strode over and turned on another more powerful light, instantly irradiating my room. In the brightness, I sat back down and resumed my research on boarding schools. This time, my eyes did not tire.
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